The Chi Chapter Perspective
Crossdressers -- people who dress in clothing normally reserved for the
opposite sex -- are among the most misunderstood minority groups in the
world. As with other minorities, ignorance fosters prejudice, and prejudice
produces intolerance and hostility toward crossdressers.
In such a climate, many of us live in fear of discovery by our closest
loved ones, by our employers, and by a scornful public. We keep our crossdressing
a secret. While "in the closet", many of us think we're the
only ones in the world with our rather "different" desires.
In our isolation, we may even come to believe the popular stereotypes
and ...... "I must be gay", "Maybe Im headed toward
a sex change operation"... "I'm really sick to want to wear
women's clothing, especially in public"...
It's not surprising that many crossdressers feel or think this way. But we believe -- and know from experience -- that the fundamental problem for crossdressers is more social than personal.
At Chi Chapter, we believe our guilt, our confusion, and our fear are the products of a misinformed and non-accepting public. We know that crossdressers can -- and often do -- live happy, well-adjusted lives, in touch with both the masculine and feminine sides of their personalities.
We reject the label "transvestite" -- one that's commonly associated
with the terms "drag queen" and "female impersonator".
These are generally viewed by society as negative terms, and are largely
irrelevant to the experiences and motivations of the typical crossdresser.
We also reject the notion that crossdressers can -- or even should --
be "cured" of the desire to wear women's clothing. We know that
the best "treatment" for crossdressers is self-acceptance, a
more knowledgeable and supportive circle of family and friends, and a
more understanding public.
It's this vision to which we dedicate ourselves as an organization. It's
this vision that we hope to help all our members achieve.
Over the past few years, crossdressing has gained increasingly enlightened
coverage on national and local talk shows, and in the print media With
access to solid information, the general public is gradually becoming
better informed and more tolerant of crossdressing.
These developments are due in no small measure to the work of educational and social organizations like Chi Chapter. Though we've still got a long way to go before we're able to express ourselves freely and safely, we at Chi Chapter are more encouraged than ever about the possibilities.
Understanding The Second Self
The "second self". The "woman within". Most crossdressers
know what we mean by this. But even crossdressers tend to underestimate
how common -- even universal -- this second self is.
There is buried within every man a composite "woman" -- the
sum of all those feminine potentials, behaviors and yearnings that are
part of a man's birthright, but which society says we should disown. Crossdressers
have made contact -- in their own special way -- with the "woman
within", and found her to be fulfilling
For many of us, this contact comes early in life -- sometimes as early
as 3 or 4 years of age. It could result from finding mother's lingerie
in the clothes hamper, wondering what it would feel like when worn, and
then trying the garment on. For others, the precipitating event might
have been being dressed as a girl in a school play or on Halloween. Still
others recall an awareness of feminine feelings that long preceded actual
crossdressing.
Conservative estimates suggest that several million adult American males
have had this sort of contact with the "woman within", while
millions more have probably had similar contacts with women's clothes,
they don't find the experience particularly noteworthy.
For the crossdresser, though, these kinds of precipitating experiences
are usually quite compelling. Regardless of when or how they occur, the
impact is usually the same. It feels nice, both emotionally and sensually,
and perhaps even spiritually.
But what to do with this pleasant but potentially troublesome feeling?
At first, many of us try to find a way to get rid of it. We throw our
femme clothes away. We grow beards. We get "saved". We try to
compensate by dressing our wives in extravagantly feminine styles. But
nothing ever seems to work. The desire for feminine expression keeps coming
back.
For many of us, contact with the "woman within" unlocks a whole
treasure trove of sensitive, feminine traits. Some of us have been able
to fully integrate these traits into our whole personality and lifestyle.
Indeed, while the majority of us flip back and forth between the traditional
masculine and feminine models, we've found the unlocking of our feminine
traits to be a profoundly humanizing experience.
However we wind up dealing with our "woman within", we find
that the need to cross dress turns out to be a part of ourselves, just
as musicians need to play music, writers need to write, or ballplayers
need to play ball. We come to see the prospect of a life without our crossdressing
as being as tragic and unnecessary as the musician being denied the chance
to play his music. Ability for cross-gendered expression can, like musical
talent, be a real gift.
At Chi Chapter, we see crossdressing as simply one more mode of self-expression -- one which is personally and socially healthy and rewarding.
CROSSDRESSING: What It Is and What It Isn't
Crossdressing is common to several distinctive behavior patterns. Crossdressers,
drag queens, transsexuals, fetishists, female impersonators and others
approach it with different motivations, and derive different satisfactions
from it. While individual crossdressers may not always fit exactly into
any one of these personality types, we can gain greater self-understanding
and self-acceptance by considering how our motivations and satisfactions
compare with each of these personality types.
Drag queens and female impersonators are the most visible types of crossdressers.
Drag queens are usually gay or bisexual males who don women's clothing,
either to mock femininity or society's stereotype of gays, to attract
a sex partner or to entertain.
Female impersonators are men who develop their crossdressing and femme-manner
into a performing art, usually for the purpose of making a living. They
often perform impressions of classic performers such as Marilyn Monroe,
Judy Garland and Mae West.
An offshoot of gay crossdressing is drag prostitution. like their female
counterparts, they typically prefer to deal with heterosexual males.
Most of our society forms its impressions of crossdressing via female
impersonators in night clubs, movie theaters or on television, or through
professional comedians -- Flip Wilson and Milton Berle come to mind --
who occasionally crossdress for laughs. To a lesser extent, the general
public also has casual contact with drag queens or prostitutes on city
streets. Thus, most people expect crossdressers to be outrageous, gay
or hustling for sex!
Transsexuals are people who feel trapped in the body of the opposite sex.
Male-to-female transsexuals believe deeply that they are actually females,
and seek sex-reassignment surgery to correct what they consider to be
nature's mistake. They typically go through a preoperative period in which
they live full-time as women. Though the transsexual doesn't consider
it so, most people see this pre~operative behavior as crossdressing.
Fetishists are crossdressers who have an erotic attachment to some article
of women's clothing. For them, holding or feeling or smelling or wearing
such items is a powerful erotic stimulant. In some cases, these men are
impotent without their fetish.
The line between fetishism and crossdressing is sometimes unclear. Some
crossdressers start with one or two articles of women's clothing and find
their interest growing. On the other hand, the fetishist seems to be "arrested"
in his development, and appears never to get beyond the erotic attachment
to certain garments.
So, how does "our type" of crossdressing differ from these other
types?
In contrast with the fetishist, we cultivate a complete feminine image,
with undergarments, makeup, wig, padding for hips and breasts, and even
a femme name. And while it's a sexually-arousing experience for some crossdressers
early on, crossdressing does not take the place of sex with their wives
or partners.
Unlike transsexuals, we know we are men and we like it. While we might
occasionally fantasize what it would be like to be female, we have no
desire to change our sex, although a small number of crossdressers (known
as "transgenderists") do opt to live full- time en femme.
Though gay and bisexual crossdressers do exist, the vast majority of crossdressers
are heterosexual. Indeed, many people are surprised to find that we're
not interested in finding sex like the drag queen, or making a living
like the drag prostitute or female impersonator. Many gay people are surprised
to learn that heterosexual crossdressers exist at all!
For most of us, being free to act and move in a more feminine way, being
treated as women, being free to adorn ourselves and feel the caressing
touch of the many soft fabrics available to women -- these feelings are
satisfying in and of themselves.
The Crossdresser And His Family
What do the biological women in our lives think about their "sisters"?
Understandably, many women are as stereo typically programmed as the rest
of society, and are hostile and rejecting of their crossdressing mates.
For many of us, fear of such reaction by our loved ones is the greatest
barrier to greater self~expression and acceptance.
Much depends on the crossdresser's own degree of insight, the duration
and solidity of his relationship, and the way in which the wife or partner
learns about her mate's crossdressing. Communication -- the essence of
any relationship-- is particularly vital in the case of the crossdresser.
Once a wife or partner realizes that her mate isn't gay, transsexual or
mentally ill, the two of them can seek a solution that suits their own
unique circumstances.
The wise wife or partner realizes that her mate is the same person she
has always known. She recognizes the risk that her man has taken in revealing
his innermost feelings, and appreciates the trust this represents. Many
of the traits that attracted her in the first place-- sensitivity, kindness,
appreciation of beauty, etc.-- can now be seen as belonging to that "woman
within".
What about the crossdresser's children? In our experience, timing --when
they're told -- is more important than what they're told. Adolescence,
a time of struggle to establish social and sexual identity, is not the
right time (especially if the children are boys). If not done earlier
in childhood, we've found it's generally best to wait until adulthood.
On the other hand, kids who are told in early childhood, and who grow
up with a daddy who occasionally becomes an "auntie", don't
appear at any greater risk of being crossdressers themselves, or of being
gay. Indeed, the kids seem to benefit from exposure to a father who is
usually more sensitive, creative, and involved in their lives.
Emerging From the Shell of Secrecy
Many crossdressers are their own worst enemies. By keeping their feminine
side a secret, or trying to deny its existence, they deny the experience
of knowing a crossdresser to those people most likely to accept and understand
them. They allow society to avoid having to deal with them as the multi-dimensional
people they are. As a result, much of the public image of crossdressing
comes from the more visible and extreme types, which are then mistakenly
taken to be the norm.
Thus, our emergence into society is not only essential for our own peace-of-mind.
It's a precondition for the creation of a more understanding and accepting
society. Indeed, we've found that as others get to know us as people,
most of them shed the stereotypes and turn out to be much more accepting
than we ever dreamed possible.
Emergence begins with self- recognition. Admitting that "I do like to crossdress", and that "crossdressing is a part of me", is the beginning of self-recognition. For many of us the decision to join Chi Chapter was our first firm statement of self-recognition.
But recognition is only the first step towards self-acceptance. Self acceptance
means feeling that it's OK to want to crossdress, and OK to do it. It
involves a realization that feminine feelings and personality traits can
be an asset.
For many, overcoming feelings of guilt and shame is part of this process. This is a road that few of us are able to travel alone, and that many of us may never have traveled without Chi Chapter help. Indeed, this is the very reason Chi Chapter was created.
For the emerging crossdresser, there are few -- if any-- more powerful
experiences than meeting or corresponding with other crossdressers who
are at peace with themselves. It's reassuring to find out that other crossdressers
are living happy, well-adjusted lives with friends and families who accept
and understand them. It's a broadening experience to actually meet a crossdresser's
understanding wife or partner. It's satisfying to learn first-hand that
crossdressers are really as likable and respectable as anyone else. And
it's great to feel the companionship, the encouragement and the compassion
of people who are kindred spirits.
For a growing number of us, the culmination of our emergence occurs in public. It might come when we're accepted as women on the street or in a restaurant. Or it might come when we act as the point-of-contact for a Chi Chapter. Or perhaps when we do an interview in the local media, to let others in our community know they're not alone. With the support and experience gained through Chi Chapter activities, some of our members have found a confidence in public that seemed inconceivable to them a few short years ago.
Going public, though, is not for everyone. Indeed many of our members rightfully fear the loss of family, job, and reputation that public exposure 'night bring. Emergence, then, is a most personal thing. There is no right or wrong path -- only alternatives. Each crossdresser's choice must be tailored to his individual circumstances and needs. Chi Chapter provides the safe and supportive climate that can help each crossdresser chart his own personal course.
The Crossdressing Culture
While educational and social organizations like Chi Chapter are a big part of the larger crossdressing culture, they're not the only part.
This culture includes a wide variety of conventions and weekend social gatherings for the crossdresser, his family, friends and loved ones. They range from weekend retreats sponsored by local crossdressing groups, to extended weekend conferences to week long events. Such events occur in virtually every region in this country. The culture also includes a growing number of businesses that either cater explicitly to, or welcome the business of, the crossdressing community. These include hairstylists and cosmeticians, boutiques, clothing stores, local restaurants, etc.
In addition, a growing number of professionals, researchers and educational
groups are doing their part in dealing with crossdressing. Indeed, many
psychologists and psychiatrists now concur with our understanding of crossdressing
-- that it's not a mental illness requiring treatment, but rather a healthy
form of self-expression. Many such professionals counsel individual crossdressers,
run couples support groups, and operate gender clinics in several of our
large cities.
Lastly, the crossdressing culture includes a mix of magazines and newspapers that range from dignified to sleazy. Among the most dignified is the Chi Chapter Tribune, which is published monthly by Chi Chapter for our members and the general public.